Honestly I have no idea. Not really a beach person. 

I can last about 10 minutes in the water before I’m wondering what to do next. Add 5 minutes to shower. Add 5 minutes to reapply sunscreen. That’s 20 minutes tops. Done. Take me home. 

Anyone been to the San Blas islands in Panama? Gorgeous turquoise waters lapping soft white sand beaches. Coconut palms. Gentle sea breeze.  If you were going to draw a tropical island this is it. Like the beach emoji on your phone, with just a few more palms. 

We’re on a day tour and get to the first island and they say you’ve got two hours.  Two hours? I’m only good for 20 minutes. What the hell am I going to do with all that time.  Even if I add in the five minutes to circumnavigate this tiny island, I’m only up to 25 minutes.  That’s 95 minutes sitting around with nothing to do on this little patch of paradise. 

By contrast, my wife is a normal human being and is elated by the prospect of two hours on this little patch of paradise. She wishes it was all day. 

I pull out my phone and notice I’ve got a signal. Holy shit, how is that possible? We’re nearly an hour by boat from the mainland. 

I start checking in – you know, that process airlines present as a benefit to us, but we’re really just doing work for them and giving up our ability to change our minds – and realize something isn’t quite right. 

We flew into PTY and we’re flying out of ECP. Where the hell is ECP? We’re staying at the PTY airport hotel not so handy for that early morning flight if it’s out of a different airport. Does Panama even have two airports? It actually does. But ECP is not one of them. ECP is Panama City, Florida not Panama. Oh no. Oh crap. Oh shit, shit, SHIT.

My dear wife comes to check in on me.  She shakes her head in disbelief that I’m not relaxing like everyone else.  And that I could be so dumb as to book us home from the wrong airport.  And runs back into the beautiful clear waters.  

I really better call United. Bonnie is very nice and reassures me I’m not the only dumbass to make this mistake.  She gets us rebooked out of Panama City, Panama. I won’t bore you with all the other details. 

By the time I got it all sorted out, it was time to go. Just understand that I could have easily spent 3 hours on that tropical island, all I needed was a self-imposed booking calamity and cell phone service.